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Notes from my table on loneliness

Updated: Oct 5, 2021

motherhood loneliness painting emotions art with feelings

Yesterday I sat with my children at the water's edge. The sun was making its way towards the horizon. A sea lion surfaced only a few feet away from us and we wondered whether we would have to run if it decided our rock was a nice resting place. We laughed and had hot ginger tea. Waves from a passing ferry rushed us before we could move and our feet were bathed in salt. It was a perfect moment. It was a moment where I didn’t want to be anywhere else in the entire world. I had everything I needed and I was so full.

Sometimes I feel very lonely on this island. My husband is so very far away. My family is so very far away. It is me and my children and our crazy little dog. I wonder too often if we should be somewhere with more going on, more people to find, friends to maybe have.

But then we have those moments and they are so perfect.

It's always greener, isn't it? We can always look across the way and say to ourselves that it will be better. It will be brighter. If we just....

My husband is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. He is so calm inside his soul. He feels a part of this world, the roots and waters of it flowing through him. I know it's because he grew up so deep in nature. His early life was about as wild as you can get, the days and seasons and rhythms of a farm. I see my children getting that. That sense of themselves that comes from knowing yourself as a part of nature. That sense of belonging.

They are good. They are thriving. They are so happy.

And me, I paint. I paint my faces.

And I lean into the loneliness. I let myself feel it fully, move around inside of it. Taste it.

And I realize, I am not alone. I have the trees and the rocks, the ocean and sky.

I have the wind.

I have those perfect moments.

motherhood loneliness painting emotions in art


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